Remarks to the Class of 2012

Well, here we are at that most highly anticipated moment of the graduation ceremony, the head of schools’ remarks. 

I promised the seniors that I would keep my talk to less than the 80 pages of their yearbook, and I just barely met the requirement.

During morning announcements each day we note historical events of great and small importance, as it gives us a sense of our place in the march of history as well as in the world. There seem to be no world holidays today, but it is the birthday of Ida Saxton McKinley back in 1847. She was once famous as the first lady of the United States. Frank Lloyd Wright was also born on this day in 1867, perhaps a better known name, especially to those of you who were with me at Fallingwater a couple of weeks ago.

But Fridays are better known for the tradition, particularly dear to the seniors, of a Friday story that they’ve hopefully brought home each week, so I’ll leave you with one last little bauble. 
As we’ve gone through the year I’ve offered at least thirty puns to you on Friday mornings.  Pun after pun, some you got, some you didn’t.  I was really hoping that at least ten of them would make you laugh, but, alas, no pun in ten did.

Yet another reason they’re glad to be graduating.

Soon to be graduates, today marks one of the few times in your lives that everyone will get together just for you.  Birth, graduation, marriage, death are the biggies, and you probably won’t be there to enjoy the last one, so you’d better enjoy this!

You are here because of the work of many people, most notably your parents and teachers.  I would like to recognize them now.  From the Nora faculty, Mara Nicastro, Scott Madden, Chris Conlon, Nic Galloro, Hedy Szanzer, Patrick Vongchan, Trey Harris, Norman Maynard, Courtney Davis, Ave Luke Simpson,

I’d like to particularly thank the senior advisors, Nic Galloro and Scott Madden for their conversations with the seniors throughout the year, and particularly Scott for all his efforts to help the class plan the next stage of their lives.

We have one faculty member noting a milestone in her Nora career today, as this is the fifth year she’s had to listen to me blather.  Janette is celebrating her fifth anniversary, and while we feel like we’ve already given her a husband, we also have another token of our appreciation for her efforts.

The members of our Board of Directors support and guide the school behind the scenes, giving generously of their time, treasure, and talent. Joining us today from our Board of Directors, Robert Herman, Beau Kaplan, (Matt, others?).

And finally, you need to thank your parents, as they have supported you far longer than we have, and will continue to do so, despite what they’re hoping.  I would like to recognize those whose dedication to you included changing your diapers, reading you bedtime stories, and paying Nora School tuition.  Please stand and accept our congratulations as I call your name.

Russell and Nancy Adise
Linwood and Dianne Brown
Thomas and Kathy Bryan
David Carroll
Darryl and Elizabeth Chang
Michael and Sarah Friedman
Gary and Keri Jacobs
Stephen and Cynthia Johnson
John Joyner and Angela Venerable Joyner
Paolo Lek ki and Alesandra Rovescalli ROVES-KALLI
Peter and Deborah Pappas
Mark Paster and Doreen Cantor Paster
Gary and Barbara Reguerin
Richard and Andrea Sherman
Jeff and Michelle Kuhn
Trent and Anne Tschirgi
Susan Okeefe, Tom Eagles and John and Mary Ellen Whalen
William Wolf and Elizabeth Davenport

Soon to be alumni, I am hopeful that you will take away from today, your last day at Nora, the same precepts I discussed with you on your first day at Nora.  It may seem long ago, but on your first day, and on each first day thereafter, you went around to get lockers, photo ID’s, and to write down your goals.  You also spent time with me discussing the school rules, which can be boiled down to four simple sentences that will stand you in good stead throughout your lives.  I’m going to warn you, there are quizzes for a few of you in my next remarks.

Show up on time.  Do your work.  Take care of your health. Treat others with respect. 

Look back on your time at Nora and honestly assess to what extent I was telling you the truth.  Did you show up on time?  Did that make your life easier or harder?  What are the consequences in the next part of your life for showing up late? What does it say about being trustworthy? 

I can tell you that there are tremendous benefits to showing up on time, being a person of your word, having others see you as reliable.  Noelly and Kylie, in Peace Studies this spring you read The Road Less Travelled by Scott Peck.  How did that book begin? ...  The first sentence is “Life is Difficult.”  I don’t think you’ll find many people here today who would disagree with that statement, but I’d like to follow it up with a question, “Now What?”  OK, life is difficulty, now what?  You still need to show up. If you have to show up, show up on time.  It will make life slightly less difficult.

Do your work.  Same questions.  How was life when you did your work?  How was your life affected when you didn’t take care of business?  What happens in the world when you drop the ball?  What happens when you follow through?  And what kind of work will you do?  Nick, John, Nate, maybe we should have a little quiz going back to your freshman year religion class, what is the Fourth Noble Truth of Buddhism? 

If you don’t remember, it’s the Eightfold Path, one part of which is Right Work. As you do whatever work is before you as you go through your life, whether schoolwork or office work or mechanical work or the work of raising a family, is the work, and are you, making the world a better place?  What are you consciously doing to ease someone else’s burden?  Might I suggest that next week you cook dinner for your family,  or perhaps do the laundry? Making the world a better place can happen in small as well as large ways. In fact, if everyone were to work on the small ways our world would be a much better place.

Take care of your health.  Stay sober, because it’s hard to have any lasting success if your brain is messed up. Exercise and eat healthy food, because you’ll feel better, have more energy, and be a happier person. Monster Energy drinks, ho-hos, and giant Slurpees as an occassional treat are one thing, as part of your daily diet they’re not so great. Take care of your health.

Treat others with respect.  Yes, I know it’s the Golden Rule, but there’s a reason it’s called Golden.  Treating others with respect doesn’t only mean your friends, or people you get along with, it also means those who rub you the wrong way and get on your nerves.  This doesn’t change outside Nora, there will always be people you find annoying. One of them might be your roommate next year!  This is where your room for growth lies. Paula Weymiller says that the person who annoys you the most is like a little angel sitting on your shoulder, telling you to grow up, and that you have the most to learn from that little angel and that annoying person.  In the words of Plato, “be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.” Treat everyone with respect.

There is an old Persian proverb: If life throws a knife at you, you can catch it by the blade or by the handle.  A vivid image.   The Nora School exists because life, especially for teenagers, is always throwing knives.  Whether the promotion of drugs, sex, and greed in movies and on television, rigid approaches to education fostered by the standardized testing of No Child Left Behind, hormones and pesticides in our food, anxiety about our economic future, depression about our economic future, or the normal stresses of daily life and living in our families in an ADD culture, it’s a wonder that any of you make it to adulthood.  On that cheery note, let’s look at some of the non-Algebraic lessons I hope you take from Nora as you move on into adulthood.

Staying in bed -catching the knife by the blade.

Daydreaming in a classroom with 30 other students, -catching the knife by the blade.

Daydreaming in a classroom with 7 other students -catching the knife by the blade.

Self-medicating -catching the knife by the blade.

Refusing to take help from those who care for you -catching the knife by the blade.

3 hours of Facebook followed by 4 hours of Minecraft... well, you get the idea.

Some of you have experienced catching the knife by the blade, and you know how well that worked out.  I believe that during the time you’ve been with us you’ve learned to catch the knife by the handle, at least most of the time.  If you take this with you, you’ll make out well.  How did you catch the knife by the handle, and how can you continue to do so? 

As the sign outside my door says, Smart People Ask For Help.  Indeed, if I have had any success in 21 years as Head of The Nora School, it’s because I was smart enough to hire folks smarter than I, able to do their jobs well, and I ask for them for help.  Next year it will be up to you to chase after the help, rather than having the help chase after you.  Asking for help, and indeed recognizing when you need help, is catching the knife by the handle.

Some days you just have to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. When you have a problem, face it.  Engage the issue, whatever it is, rather than retreat to bed, Facebook, Minecraft, sex, drugs, or other compulsive and blade catching activities. Your teachers and your parents don’t always have wonderful days, Professor Guttman, President Obama and Dave Mullen all have days they just don’t want to face.  Yet successful people are successful because, despite whatever it is that’s weighing them down, they swing their legs out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. 
Sometimes you can tell they’re having a tough time, but usually the movement creates the inertia necessary to be productive, if not at 100% then at least better than 0%.  So when you’re down, get off your butt and do something, preferably something that makes the world a little bit better.  Taking action is catching the knife by the handle.

Recognize the need to pace yourself.  As you look back on your time at Nora, remember that you never had more than two classes in a row before a break.  You’ll note that the school year was broken up with retreats, field trips, all-school activities, community service, and class trips.  That is purposeful, as life is lived in the margins as well as the main text, and the margins are often what give the main text it’s richness. We never neglect the main text, which for us is learning, nor should you in your future endeavors, but be purposeful in creating renewal for your body, mind, and soul.  Whether that takes the form of getting enough sleep, eating healthy food, contributing service to others, be mindful of the choices you make, and the reasons you make them.  This will give you the stamina to continue catching knives by the handle.

And again, do your part to make the world a little bit better.  There are lots of knife throwers out there who have  political or economic interests in tearing things down, denigrating others, and making sport of bullying.  You live in a coarse culture, but you’ve gone to a counter-cultural school, where these activities go against the grain. Take that with you and spread it, not through great acts of charity, but through small kindnesses.  Often when we’re busy catching knifes ourselves we forget that all those around us are catching their own knives.

Mother Teresa tells a story of bringing food to a poor family: “When I came to that family I saw the faces of those little children disfigured by hunger.  I gave the rice to the mother. She divided the rice in two and went out, carrying half the rice. When she came back, I asked “Where did you go?”  She said, “To my neighbors, they are hungry also”.  I was not surprised that she gave, poor people are really very generous. I was surprised that she knew they were hungry. Generally we’re so focused on ourselves we have no time for others.”

So be aware of the suffering of others... the kid in your class who learns differently, the kid in your dorm who is homesick, the kid you work with who talks too much.  All are busy catching their own knives, and the grace with which you treat them says everything about you.

I think you’re ready to move on.

Our goal has been to help you to pursue possibilities. The broad liberal arts education that you received at Nora has opened doors to a variety of possibilities, but note that the harder you worked the more possibilities you had. Now it’s up to you to find those passions worthy of your pursuit. Here is where the fun, and the fear, come in.  You don’t have to know your passion right now, most of you will change careers at least once before you’re my age. But right now you’ll get to study and work at things that are interesting to you, and that’s the fun part of moving past high school.

But try to take courses and have experiences outside your areas of interest as you pursue your further education, as you never know what new endeavor might spark a new passion. Be open to serendipity, when a door opens go through it and see what happens. Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t Know,” and remember that “smart people ask for help,” you’re smart, ask! Think about others, as you are, in terms of the rest of the world, in the top 10% of wealth. You have an obligation to others, and helping others can be a great antidote to overinvolvement with yourself.

Class of 2012, we’ll miss your different ways of thinking and your unique approaches to the world.

Allen - you’ve always had a logical reason for every decision you’ve made, usually contrary to the ideas of your parents and teachers. I hope that you’ve come to see that pursuing your passions and meeting your responsibilities is not an either/or choice, but a both/and possibility.

Sarah - You’ve learned a lot socially over the time you’ve been with us, and we’ve enjoyed your flute playing in the band. You’ve taken advantage of the lessons we’ve tried to teach, and have a good foundation on which to grow at Shepherd next year.

Rollin - As a quite observant presence with us you’ve added a great deal to our community. Your caring presence, especially toward your female classmates, has helped them get through some rough patches. You’ve plugged away at the academics, and have asked for help when needed. Good job, have fun in Iowa.

Daphne - As you’ve matured with us over the years you’ve softened up, a bit, in dealing with others. We hope you will continue to grow in empathy for others as you learn to work and live with them in dorms and classrooms in the years to come.

Shana - We’re not sure where the next neighborhood hangout will be once you’ve headed off to college, but you’ve been the social butterfly that has kept everyone going throughout your time at Nora.


Ariana - hypothetically... no, not hypothetically, in reality you’ve really blossomed during your time with us, and now that you’ve hit your stride it’s, sadly for us, time to go. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a student both dance at the prom and play in the outfield in the same dress.  We expect to hear great things when the class of 2013 visits Shepherd College next September.

Erick - I hope that you find the answers to ALL your questions over the next four years at UMBC. I know that Nic is ready to work for EF Tours after answering your inquiries throughout Europe over these past four years, and we’ll all miss your infectious enthusiasm, and the top hat!

John - It’s been wonderful to see you mature from the goofy freshman who wouldn’t or couldn’t  take notes in Religion class to a serious student with a clear vision of the future for himself.  We wish you the best as you pursue the possibilities opening up before you in one of the few careers that can’t be shipped off to another country.

Nick P. - You managed to get through four years without ever eating lunch, and you’ve been an exeplary student with perhaps the highest GPA of any Nora grad. We hope that you won’t be too tough on yourself, as you’re a great kid and a superb student, and the classes you now get to take going forward are mostly those that interest you. College is a lot more enjoyable than high school.

Carin - You’ve come a long way from the soccer player who would stomp off the field if she missed a kick. Who would have thought you’d be sharing the Athletic Award at the end of your senior year?  Be forgiving to yourself, as life is never a series of uninterupted successes, and your ability to bounce back is at least as important as your ability to succeed on the first try.

Greta - Sadly we only got to know you for this one year, but you’ve been a great addition to the class of 2012. We’re glad you’re able to pursue your artistic passions, and we look forward to your first solo exhibition.

Kara - It’s been a long road to today, and you owe your parents a huge thank you for working so hard to get you to this point. You now have possibilites open to you, and it’s up to you to take advantage of them without the advantages of Homework Club hanging over your head!

Nate - You’re welcome. Remember that second, and third, and fourth chances don’t come your way everyday, and be sure that you offer those same chances to others that you live and work with at Eckert and in your life.

Kylie - You’re the only student who cries as easily as Hedy, and I expect you both to be teary-eyed as you leave the stage today. We’ve enjoyed your poetry, or at least the cheerful ones (there were some cheerful ones, weren’t there?), and how well you integrated various people into your social network.

Nick L. - How nice that Bard is getting another Bard, and another Nora student. Unfortunately, you’ll be in New York, with Tebow, not terribly hospitable territory for a Celtics and Patriots fan. We look forward to your continued growth intellectually, and hope to see you in Courtney’s Nora fantasy football league next year.

Noely - Like Greta, we’re sorry that you were with us for only one year, as just as we’re getting know you it’s time to leave. We hope that as you pursue you passions that you look back on your time at Nora as a model for how caring adults work together, and that you create your own community that sustains and supports you.

Rachel - As you pursue possibilities you might consider the circus, because you really seem to enjoy the high wire act!  We hope that as you pursue the possibilities open to you that you find one that has you jumping out of bed and arriving early every day.

Danny - In many ways you’ve been the “straw that stirs the drink.” You’ve always been kind to your classmates and worked hard with your teachers, a model of what we’d like to see in all our students. Remember not to leave your speech until the last minute, and we wish you the best, and a great alarm clock, as you pursue your college education.

Class of 2012, you have worked hard to get here.  You are survivors.  Not only did you survive middle and high schools that were big, impersonal, and bureaucratic, you survived Nora, which is no easy task.  Not everyone can handle it, but you did.

Seth Godin posits that “small is the new big,” and as graduates of one of the smallest schools in the country, you should understand that it’s a big accomplishment to graduate from a small school. It’s a small accomplishment to find a clique of people you get along with in a big school, but it’s a big accomplishment to get along, intimately, with everyone, even with people who annoy you and get on your nerves in a small school. 

It’s a small accomplishment to hide in the back of a big classroom and avoid the teacher’s radar and do the minimum necessary to get by, but it’s a big accomplishment to push through your resistance and actually do the work, because you know that in Chris’s small classroom your missing homework will be noticed. 

Small is the new big.  By doing something small, like saying hello and making eye contact with the cashier at McDonald’s, you can make a big difference in someone else’s day.  We all have our daily frustrations, but by doing the small kindnesses to others we can, collectively, make a big difference in the world.  By cutting another person some slack, you can make a big difference. 

There is often a misperception that being in a small school like Nora is easy, because the teachers know you and work with you and give you lots of chances, and all of that is true.  But equally true is that going to a small school is hard,  because the teachers know you and work with you and give you lots of chances.   There’s nowhere to hide if you haven’t done the reading, and your math homework always gets checked, and when it’s your turn to present there’s no one to hand it off to. 

Your parents hear if you missed the trip to the Smithsonian, and they know when you’re not doing your Pre-Calculus homework.  Courtney notices when you show up late to Physics, and Patrick notices when you didn’t do your Chemistry homework.  It’s tough to stand up to that amount of scrutiny, but you have. 

You’ve survived not only the classrooms,  but also the whitewater rafting of your sophomore year, the high ropes and goal setting of the junior retreat, and writing your own recommendations and sharing your life stories on the senior retreat.  You set up your own senior community service, late though it may have been for some of you, and you learned to balance two of the most precious gifts of adulthood: freedom and responsibility. 

The freedom part is easy, every teenager gets that.  The responsibility part is a lot harder.  Not all that many adults get that, as witnessed by the various crises on Wall Street and on Capitol Hill.  Learning when to have fun and when to work, when to sleep in and when to get up, finding where the boundaries are, and which ones it was safe to cross, these are things that your parents and teachers have to juggle every day.   

You managed, if imperfectly, those four lessons with which we start every school year.

You’re now at the end of a long road. Ralph Waldo Emerson had this advice: “Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”           

Guy Kawasaki, one of the early employees at Apple, says to “Pursue joy, not happiness. Sure, the future is bright and all that stuff, but life is not uninterrupted, pure happiness. You will go through difficult times. But what balances and overcomes difficulty is episodic joy. Joy does not come from the possession of material things—it comes from experiences such as falling in love, making close friends, creating or doing things that delight and help people, and eventually raising children, especially if they move out.”

Life is difficult, but today is a joyful day.

On behalf of the entire faculty of Nora I wish you many joyful episodes in the years ahead, and hope that by bringing happiness to others you may construct a fulfilling life for yourself.

Congratulations.