Shocking retirement revelation 1: Email is no longer important!

It's as if the tap has been turned off... I no longer have any emails that require much attention! Sure, some are interesting, and The Google does a nice job of removing the spam and filtering the Updates from the Promotions. But none require action on my part, which is both delightful and a bit unnerving! For the past 40 years checking emails first thing in the morning reminded me daily of this story about Tommy D'Alesandro, mayor of Baltimore in the late 1960s. He described being mayor thusly: 'Every morning I come into a beautiful City Hall and everyone smiles and greets me, I come into a big beautiful office and sit behind a big impressive desk, and every morning my secretary comes in with a big beautiful silver platter on which is piled a big steaming pile of (poop) that I have to deal with. And the next day the same thing happens, and the next, and the next, and the next.' Morning email was a lot like like... what's on the 'silver platter' for today. But now there are no more silver platters. I don't miss them. 

From June 10, 2021: Thanks for the memories!

 Dear Friends,

What a whirlwind year we have had together! And yet I would not have traded being with you this year for any other adventure I might have undertaken. Getting to know so many terrific kids and teachers, as well as the larger Wye River community, has been a joy, even if far too many of our interactions have been through Zoom windows.

You have at Wye River a generous and kind community that has been welcoming to me throughout these tumultuous months of my brief tenure. Treasure what you have. Keep being kind, and keep being generous, especially to this wonderful school, which deserves your support. And be kind and generous with Mrs. Folarin as she moves Wye River Upper School forward to new heights.

My own plan is to have no plan, at least for the next year, after which we’ll see what adventures beckon. I look forward to joining my faculty colleagues when we open our time capsule in 2046, and watching the Class of 2021 (likely from afar) when they open their covid time-capsule in 2071 at their 50th reunion party!

As I take my leave, I’d like to offer you these closing thoughts from a poem by Maya Angelou which I shared with my colleagues at the beginning and end of this school year. I do hope that you, also, will “Continue.”

With gratitude,

Dave Mullen
Interim Head of School

2020-2021

From June 3, 2021: Cut from the graduation speech

 As I wind up 42 years of teaching here are 42 things I’ve learned… mercifully cut from my graduation talk but now here for posterity. There are a variety of sources, from Plato to Facebook memes to Ed Friedman and a variety of other people I follow.

1. Be kind, for everyone is fighting a battle of which you know nothing.
2. Being enthusiastic is worth 25 IQ points.
3. Being calm in an anxious world is worth another 25.
4. Learn from those you disagree with, even those who offend you. See if you can find some truth in what they believe.
5. Being able to listen well is a superpower.
6. Gratitude is something you can get better at.
7. Treating a person to a meal never fails.
8. Don’t trust all-purpose glue
9. Don’t trust all-purpose anything.
10. Pros are just amateurs who only show their best work
11. Extraordinary claims should require extraordinary evidence.
12. People can only hear you when they’re coming toward you.
13. Don’t be the smartest person in the room. Hang out with people smarter than yourself. Even better, find smart people who will disagree with you.
14. Everyone is shy. Other people are waiting for you to introduce yourself to them, they are even waiting for you to ask them on a date. Go ahead.
15. Perfect is boring. The thing that made you weird as a kid will make you great as an adult, if you can keep it.
16. The purpose of a habit is to remove that action from decision making
17. Promptness is a sign of respect.
18. There is no “them.”
19. The more you are interested in others, the more interesting they’ll find you.
20. Be generous. No one on their deathbed has ever regretted giving too much away.
21. To make something good, just do it. To make something great, re-do it, re-do it, and re-do it.
22. The Golden Rule will never fail you.
23. Wear sunscreen.
24. To make mistakes is human. To own your mistakes is divine. And rare.
25. Never get involved in a land war in the Middle East.
26. Ski lesson applied to life: If you’re not falling down you’re not trying hard enough.
27. Friends are better than money. Almost anything money can do, friends can do better. A friend with a boat is better than owning a boat. (Or at least cheaper).
28. You are what you do. Not what you say you’ll do, not what you believe, not how you vote, not what you’re going to do, but what you actually do.
29. Hatred is a curse that doesn’t really affect the hated. It only poisons the hater. Release grudges as if they were poison.
30. There is no limit on better.
31. When you die you take nothing with you except your reputation. Same for most things.
32. Acquiring things will rarely bring you deep satisfaction. Acquiring experiences will.
33. Floss.
34. When someone is nasty, rude, hateful, or mean to you, pretend they have a disease. That makes it easier to have empathy toward them.
35. What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.
36. There are two kinds of people in the world, those who return their shopping carts and those who don’t.
37. Most overnight successes take at least 5 years.
38. Measure twice, cut once.
39. Conventional wisdom is usually true.
40. Karma exists, be kind and caring.
41. Vaccines don’t contain microchips.
42. We’re here to make a dent in the universe.
43. Seeking happiness is a fool’s quest.
44. Living a life of meaning will result in happiness, and leave the world better.
45. If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you find time to do it over?
46. Being curious is worth 25 IQ points.
47. Read.
48. If a child is old enough to experience racism, their peers are old enough to learn about racism.
49. At 20 you worry what others think about you, at 40 you don’t care what others think about you, at 60 you realize that no one ever was was thinking about you.
50. Create some time for silence to be with yourself every day. You’ll learn a lot.
51. Adventure is better than safety.
52. Over the long term, the future is decided by the courageous.
53. Beware of auto-counting!

IHoS Dave Mullen (with apologies to Plato, Ed Friedman, and others).

From May 27, 2021: Flourishing

 Flourishing

For the past 15 months of covid we’ve all become familiar with the term “languishing,” which aptly describes how many of us felt at various times, particularly in the depths of winter when there seemed little hope that the pandemic would soon end. Now, as the weather warms and we approach 50% vaccination, we can move toward flourishing. To do so may require conscious effort, as outlined both in a recent New York Times article and an Atlantic magazine article. As we head into the extra-long weekend (thanks to our final Snow Day) it’s good to remember that getting back to “normal” will require some time, both physically and emotionally. I hope that you have a restful weekend as we head into the final days of the school year.

From May 20, 2021: STOP@7/11

 STOP @ 7/11

We’ve been working on several mindfulness practices over the past few weeks in order to help us better regulate ourselves in the face of challenges and strong emotions. When faced with anxiety, fear, or anger, our amygdalas often take over, that ancient reptilian part of the brain that floods us with the stress hormone cortisol and creates the fight/flight/freeze response. 

When we can recognize that happening, taking a step back via STOP (Stand or Sit, Tune-in, Observe, Proceed) or a 7/11 (mentally count to 7 on the in-breath, 11 on the out-breath) can give us the space to skillfully respond rather than quickly react. The difference between reacting and responding can make all the difference for teens, teachers, and parents. And it’s always a work in progress, which is why we need to practice. 

Likewise, when we’re enjoying a beautiful day or a fun activity, bringing awareness to the moment and pausing to fully appreciate it can help us to relax and gain some perspective. Coming in the next couple of weeks… FOFBOC and Beditation!

Interim Head of School, Dave Mullen

From May 13, 2021: Jimmy Kraft

My friend Jimmy Kraft died last week. When I wrote about “the fragility of life” a couple of weeks ago, I had no idea that I’d need to revisit the topic so soon. Yesterday I attended Jimmy’s funeral.
People who serve on Boards of Directors of small independent schools are a special breed, willing to dig in and weather the uncertainties, the ups and downs, and the challenges of supporting small fragile enterprises with no guarantees of success. Intensely human enterprises, schools like Nora and Wye River must hold in balance pastoral needs with business requirements. This takes a special person.

Jimmy was one of the handful of people responsible for creating The Nora School as it exists today. About to step down as Board Chair, he was a good and loyal friend, a trusted confidant, and despite his sometimes strong and contrary opinions, incredibly tender-hearted toward the people and institutions he cared about. When Jimmy set his mind on something, he didn’t give up until he got what he needed. I remember him sitting outside my office in the basement of the Washington Ethical Society in 1998 after I said that we had no space for another student. He insisted that we hear Brian’s story, and of course we admitted Brian, who became a terrific member of the school community.

Jimmy joined the Board after Brian graduated, and helped me build both the first and second iterations of The Nora School. From vetting general contractors and architects to overseeing quality control in the construction to investigating financing options, Jimmy always knew a guy who knew a guy, much to the school’s advantage.

In recent years he turned his prodigious energy toward helping his disabled grandson Eli. As he had done with his two adopted sons, he left no stone unturned in his search for those who could offer the best help. Whether it was his family, The Nora School, Woodmont, Jaffe, or his many other endeavors, everyone who came into contact with Jimmy appreciated and was in awe of his caring, thoughtfulness, and most of all, his determination.

Two weeks ago Jimmy was diagnosed with lung cancer. I had no idea he was sick, and due to my conscious decision to stay away from The Nora School we hadn’t spoken much over the past year.
So when you run into a member of the Wye River Board, at graduation or in the supermarket, thank them for the support they have given to Wye River Upper School. Their generosity of talent, time, and treasure have helped to make Wye River the terrific school it is today, housed in a wonderful building with an amazing staff. These things don’t happen by accident, they take hard work and foresight by committed volunteers who hold a vision for a better tomorrow. Their selfless good works are a blessing on our community and on the world.

Interim Head of School, Dave Mullen

From May 6, 2021: Transitions

 May 6, 2021

Transitions

As winter turns to spring, and (over the past week) to summer, so too does school life have “liminal,” or in-between, seasons. These liminal times occur when one thing is ending and something new is coming, but we’re not quite there yet. Our seniors have but two weeks of classes left, then they will leave behind the comforts and certainties of Wye River Upper School and move on to college, jobs, training, and adult life. Their K-12 season ends, the next is not quite born. We say goodbye to a beloved teacher before the school year ends, and welcome a new teacher brimming with enthusiasm and ideas… one season ends a bit prematurely and another begins rather abruptly. Alas, we have but a short liminal season of transition. And then there’s the long liminal season. Even amidst COVID we’ve spent the year crossing a bridge (Dave) between the beloved founder (Chrissy) and the dynamic young educator (Stephanie). It’s been an interesting journey being the liminal bridge, full of challenges, to be sure, but full of excitement for the future and appreciation for the past. It seems, in hindsight, odd to have consciously chosen to be in the center of liminality for an extended time, but I cannot think of a better way to have spent this past year.

So as we experience the discomfort and unsettledness of these liminal seasons, let’s celebrate how far we have come, how much we’ve done, and how we’ve grown in so many ways through this season of uncertainty and change. As Lao Tzu said 2500 years ago, “the journey is the reward,” and the more we can grow comfortable with that notion, especially in these times, the better we’ll be able to weather them.

Interim Head of School, Dave Mullen